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tv   midnight With Chris Hardwick  Comedy Central  October 15, 2015 2:35am-3:06am PDT

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larry: okay, that's hourshoavmer panelist, rory albanese, steer kornacki and gabrielle union, stay tuned for@midnight with chris hardwick. good nightly, everyone. >> it's 11:59 and 59 seconds. this happened on instagram talking about the democrats for once ask that did not sit well with constaw state constipated o
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documented trump. he announced he's hosting saturday night live. i know. why are they supporting ... he will play a range of characters during his november 7th aranappe from sleazy businessman to sleazy husband to sleazy raccoon who is addicted to gos garbage. please update the classic live from new york the opening line is cob web trump's. night from new york, it's me donald trump. i stole his job. i'm from cabo. all right. [crowd cheering] you got to clap. kate micucci. >> live from the old pizza hut commercial welcome former bread
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stick documented trump. >>+n riki lindhome. >> live, it's -- [crowd cheering] >> it's wednesday night thursday morning. with the musical guest, we can afford one. what else. [crowd cheering] >> that was what -- snievmentd yosnievmentd -- >> you came along at the right time. on october 18 short film i don't dance is available for free on slash breat brent wei.
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brent weinbach. [cheers and applause] and the special at the neptune theatre on the 23rd is secretion, it's available on itoongz. kate micucci and riki lindhome. [crowd cheering] [applause] >> lost the democratic debate last night. marijuana came up and i'm not talking about the pot you smoked right before you watched the democratic debate. they think marijuana should be legalized to some extent and there was nobody in the audience happier than this [bleep] guy, huh? [applause] who is this. was the director in the truck like the ice wizard.
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i really hope they talk about wand reform. they're taking work away from the hard working lizards. really appreciate it. the moonscape and his beard is sort of cascade. you can't even tell there's some sort of man cull spell that put this man into a deep slumber. >> it sounds like he has a trailer for ty ligh twilight beg trawjeprojected. [laughter] >> to win this guy's vote, kate micucci. >> -- every day. [applause] >> he's going to work at the [bleep] on your beard. [laughter] [applause] why why i want to do that.
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that's why i grew the beard in the first place. [cheers and applause] walter palmer is on the news. no not the love addicted, that's robert palmer, no, not the golfer that's walter the parting dog. i'm talking about walter palmer, the lion killing deny tils. remember how mad we were. it's all coming back now. you're getting repissed about it. zimbabwe announced he will not be facing charges there. just a few week ago they set this man awe flammed an aflammey right there i'll get my teeth cleaned. that's how the machine works. until something new comes along and we're all like what the [bleep] oreos or whatever. how dare they call the other
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ones double. real cookies have -- [laughter] yes, they do. [applause] hashtag snack life matters. [laughter] all right. but anyway, walter palmer the guy we were pissed at what made you forget that you were mad at that dentist. >> i was actually really mad at him up until the beginning of this show when i discovered donald trump is hosting snl. [cheers and applause] >> i was mad at the dentist but then i found out about a sale on socks at montgomery wards. >> were you mad then. >> i got excited about it and made me for get. >> okay, good. >> i headed right over to montgomery ward over on victory and laurel canyon. >> yes, everyone's favorite.
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riki lindhome. >> now i'm mad at the dentist for -- my boyfriend. [laughter] [applause] >> you know, to be fair your boyfriend was under a lot of nitrous at the time. >> i know, i'm trying to be understanding. >> that brings us at the end of the round and time for tonight's hashtag round. i'm so excited about somebody doing about this so much he's going to be on spong sponge boba character called don draper. i love you. in honor of the of it tonight's hashtag is oceancelebs or whale
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i am. 60 seconds on the clock and begin. >> stanley rusty. >> needles shark salmon -- >> in vivo. >> the cast of friends. >> riki. >> natural more. [laughter] >> john c. riley. >> riki. >> seal. [crowd cheering] >> fal paulie shore. >> going swimming. >> shelly long john silver. >> that's very well. no one said billie ocean.
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hashtag celebs. you guys remember billie ocean. ♪ [crowd cheering] [applause] didn't mean to turn your gushers on, ladies. i'm being sarcastic. hashtag ocean celebs we'll keep it going. uned we'll have more uned we'll have more @midnight.
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sure! i offer multi-car, safe driver, and so many other discounts that people think i'm a big deal. and boy, are they right. ladies, i can share hundreds in savings with all of you! just visit today. but right now, it's choosing time. ooh! we have a winner. all: what? [chuckles] he's supposed to pick one of us. this is a joke, right? that was the whole point of us being here. ♪ ♪ now at chili's, mix & match fajitas. fill them up with our new prime rib and your fresh mex favorites. [ woman vocalizing ] ♪ we gonna have some fun now
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>> welcome back to @midnight. i'm heading across the country as part of the funcomfortable tour. that will be in salt lake city and kansas city and phoenix and lots of other places we're available at it's time to play we'll sing for the votes. [applause] now that the presidential election is only 390 days away, oh my god [bleep] still looking for anything to help them pull away from the back like singing a lodge from enthusiastic supporters for instance we're going to show you a great clip. for 250 points i want you to tell me how you would introduce these musicians. first off country song for
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conservative proliver rick santorum. ♪ maybe the first time since we had ♪ will be justice for the unborn. >> that sounds like a token novel. like there will be justice for the unborn. riki lindhome. >> if they didn't oppose women suffrage, it's two girls one god. [applause] [laughter] >> all right. next up this breathless ode to new jersey's own chris christy ♪ governor christie ♪ we believe in this man that we see ♪
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[applause] >> welcome back to mtv's unplugged. we'll take a look once again -- [crowd cheering] >> ladies and gentlemen, the strange mother. [applause] >> riki. >> please welcome you can't say anything negative if your dad's new girl friend -- [applause] [laughter] >> good. this is the rock political jam. riki points. next up. you guys are kind of like hey hillary clinton, do you know what you need, a rap. ♪ the female today join the fight ♪ we got it from --
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>> i'm sorry did he just say hillary was really tight. [laughter] >> riki. >> in college you know him as -- virgin now you know him as vanilla -- the virginia. [applause] >> can the next cat come to the stage. the next young cat come to the stage. you see him on all the shows you seen him coming on the stage you seen him on pbs. ladies and gentlemen, do what's funny, give it up real big for keith -- [applause] >> that's the end and time for our live challenge get on to my team. [applause] do you know what guys, i've got
quote quote
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to do this the proper billie ocean way. ♪ musi beep beep ♪ [cheers and applause] it feels so good. we're having a field day with long dramatic theme songs when kids would actually sit for more than five seconds but explain everything you needed to know in excruciating detail. say for example the theme tucsonito sonic underground ♪ oa deadly fate ♪ you have time flying away ♪ underground they made a vow that mother will be found. >> they did? [applause] that's very detailed. [applause]
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and now here's the ♪ starting at 8 a.m. >> that actually was the band. nobody has ever committed so hard to sound -- that guy sounds like he's trying to win his exwife back. ♪ barbara said i would go to rehab. [cheers and applause] nowadays everyone's too cool to have a real theme song. well we've got to fix that tonight to pick a modern show and write the exposition team song it deserves. after the break, we'll be back with more @midnight.
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timber. bear glove! timber. bear glove! stop it.
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>> welcome back to @midnight. before the break there was a proposed theme songs in the style of good old cartoons. let's see what musical magic you have woven together. kate you picked the mad man. >> advertising woman ♪ and his secret ♪ he likes the bones musi --[crowd cheering] [applause] >> riki lindhome you chose law and order. it has to be you. >> in the criminalba justice system -- is considered light entertainment. the violence brings you smiles it's not like we're watching
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pedophiles, city born with ice t going to do find out law and order stu. [cheers and applause] >> that's exactly what this show needed was that theme song. >> i know. >> wine bake yo weinbach you ton memory lane with cheers. >> ♪ you wanted to go where you can drink and no one will judge you for drinking during the day. you want to go where everybody sucks your [bleep] after the bar closes. that's not a joke. that's what happens. that was the real cheers. you all know that. everybody's got their [bleep]
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>> a little known fact that could last longer than anyone here inside this bar besides your mouth. [cheers and applause] all right i'm going to do a thousand points to riki lindhome. we'll go to our next game shot in the head. head shot. do you know it's not just for decorating the walls of dry clearance anymore. you can actually use them to get jobs sometimes. we're going to show you the head of shot of an actor or other professional probably between gigs right now and you're going to tell me hey man this business is [bleep] hard. [laughter] going to tell me on the resume under special skills okay. i'll start the clock now and begin. brent weinbach. >> listening in on his daughter's phone conversation. >> the next one. riki. >> playing -- with his mind. >> next one, yes, riki.
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>> none. >> next one kate micucci. >> thinking really hard what he wants for dinner. >> next one, yes brent. >> looking swell and getting my acorn on wet. >> next one. there he is, riki. >> dying alone in 1971. >> that is the end of shot through the head and you're to blame. kate micucci i'm so sorry you're in third place but i hate doing it, we have to eliminate you. >> that's okay. >> i know this is [bleep] it just sucks. do you have any last words. >> can i do my last words to the theme song of magnum. is that weird? i'll just make up something. after i watch the tub ♪ here its done thanks for having me on @midnight.
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[applause] >> to wrap it up it's for the win. [cheers and applause] grotesque food challenges are all old hat in america because we're pigs and we like -- where taking an xbox sized cheeseburger to the dome at a greasy spoon will you were you a t shirt reading i ate at big bass tard. but the hipster dis taupe yeah is really raising the stakes park slope tack rear don chingon is offering 10% share in its company if you can finish their 30 pound burrito. that's the instagram post which i think looks like guy fear
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fieriis to autopsy see. here to destroy us all we have a winner when we come back @midnight. and there's actor jaleel white. and wax museum urkel. (audience laughs) it's weird they're hanging out, but dual zone automatic climate control keeps one toasty and the other from melting. (audience laughs) and the 7 inch touch screen display audio system drowns out that canned laughter. it's weird they'd want dual wishbone rear suspension, but the road to redefining oneself has many twists and turns. did i do... (audience laughs) the new scion im. standard features that actually come standard. weird, right?
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alright, be alert here. peyton! i needed this big screen to show you the big toppings on the new monster toppings pizza. they're big, aren't they? yeah they're huge. but really? now? is this really happening? up your game with our new monster toppings pizza 33% larger than our large with monster-sized pepperoni and italian sausage, just $12. add garlic or cinnamon knots for $5 more. better ingredients. better pizza. better football. at the new papa
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♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ geico motorcycle, great rates for great rides. welcome back to at midnight. it's time for the win. you guys will decide the winner. before the break i told you about a brooklyn tacqueria that's offering a 10% stake in the company if you can finish this 30 pound burrito because [bleep] need a life. you can write a yelp review. let's see what you wrote. first one first one.
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actually really into diarrhea, five stars. [applause] or i won it but not after i wore diapers because no one won't date me, three stars. [crowd cheering] all right. it pleases me to say that diarrhea is the winner, who was that. brent weinbach. we'll see you all tomorrow night when our guests will be morgan when our guests will be morgan murphy dan soder and big jay - ♪ i'm going down to south park ♪ ♪ gonna have myself a time ♪
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- ♪ friendly faces everywhere ♪ ♪ humble folks without temptation ♪ - ♪ going down to south park ♪ ♪ gonna leave my woes behind ♪ - ♪ ample parking day or night ♪ ♪ people spouting "howdy neighbor" ♪ - ♪ headed on up to south park ♪ ♪ gonna see if i can't unwind ♪ - ♪ [mumbling] - ♪ so come on down to south park ♪ ♪ and meet some friends of mine ♪ - is this what you're looking for, kyle? - no, i don't think so. - [mumbling] how about this? - no, that's a hair dryer! - can i help you find something? - yeah, do you have any "ne-rections"? - any what? - i need to get a ne-rection for my dad. - very funny, boys, go on, beat it! - why is that funny? - dude, my mom and dad keep fighting all the time. and i heard them say it's 'cause my dad doesn't have a ne-rection. so i wanna get him one. dammit, what the hell is wrong with everybody? - that's the fifth store we've been kicked out of. why is it so hard to get a ne-rection? - [mumbling] - i just want a ne-rection so i can give it to my mom. - what? - [mumbling] - oh, where you gonna go, kenny? you gonna see your little girlfriend, again? - [mumbles] - dude, you spend way too much time with that girl-- whoosh!


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